Saturday, December 27, 2008

Thus sprecht David Godman


The Right Honourable David Godman, Divinely Appointed Scribe to the Enlightened, Order of the Magi and Initiate of the Illuminati Secret Society to Control the World (Sparsa Hotel, T.V.Malai). Codename: FUCKWIT ...

"It is with a vague sense of distaste and distemper that one has noticed the encroachment of members of the lower orders into the sacred sanctuary of Tiruvannamalai. These proletarian scavengers must be sent packing at the first available opportunity. The most repellent of these arriviste wannabes derive from the unfortunate car crash of Rajneesh/Osho groupies who arrived en masse at Papaji's door in the early 90s. As the great man said to me in my magnum opus Nothing Ever Happened (Book 2 page 975 in the chapter entitled Whole Lotta Nothing!): 'None of these morons has got what it takes!' and one heartily agrees with this concise synopsis! In my distinguished opinion the worst example of this trend is Mooji, that Rastafarian with the large girth and the Linford Lunchbox (he must be packing and I don't mean candy!) He has imported a wave of Goan heathens who cannot even tie their own shoelaces, even if they miraculously owned a proper pair of shoes! Fortunately this ersatz Jamaican Jesus and his drugged-up sidekick Reiki Shiva have arranged for their cretinous followers to remain in silence, while Shiva picks their pockets in search of debit cards, after a furtive evening's debauch (or is it a confused and sweaty search for Truth!)

One has also noticed the exorbitant increase in prices at the Rip Off Supermarket, especially the products from those dreadful Frogs and their international gang of pseudo-intellectuals from Auro-vile. Not content with expounding their pathetic evolutionary ideology, they are now flogging overpriced groceries!

Further, it has been reported that local heroine and icon of moral rejuvenation Sunanda Whitehouse has been seen at a seasonal event, held at the House of the Red Mooncup, writhing on the floor and speaking in tongues after a slightly excessive dosage of Soma. Sunanda will now be taking up residence as the new Delphic oracle in the subterranean chambers beneath the Manna Cafe. Prophecies and darshan will be given at 4pm daily!

In conclusion, I have decided not to grace Ramana Nagar with my presence, while these dreadful proles are in evidence. One is left pining away in my luxury lakeside villa (though one still remains a simple sadhu at heart!) with my musty old library and the pungent memory of past glories, Waiting for Godot to enter stage left! But as a consolation to the masses, I will arrive resplendent with a truckload of my populist tome, Be As You Are, which will be given away gratis to those capable of reading! One endures, one is profoundly stoical, amidst this social cataclysm!

Let us not forget that the Ancients warned us: in the end times of the Kali Yuga two-a-penny street prophets and their slavish acolytes will be drawn to the Sacred Tabernacle of Truth that is Tiruvannamalai! etc etc ..."



3 comments:

  1. The Real Mary WhitehouseJanuary 2, 2009 at 7:27 PM

    Pearl one for me, peachy buns!

    ReplyDelete
  2. "I'm sharpening my knitting needles, you degenerate reprobate. And when I've finished this bottle of Gin I'm gonna give you a sewing party you won't forget!!!"

    ReplyDelete